A lot has happened this year. But that is the way for everyone. I've learned a lot. I've learned to have more confidence in what I know. I've learned to stand by what I know is right. I've finally learned that old demons are just that: old and demons. Best to be either battled or ignored depending on their D & D level (bear with me). I've also learned that being family is not enough. There has to be respect and empathy.
I've been thinking a lot these last few weeks about the stories and the facts of my life. I often fantasize about being asked about what I know and what I know to be true. But as we are all aware, that just doesn't happen. People look without asking. Ineffective.
What I know is...
The best advice I was ever given. I was 19ish, at university and for various reasons feeling pretty messed up and emotional. I decided to partake in some psychotherapy. I was in there for 20 minutes and came out of it wanting to...well you get it. I went to my art teacher/ mentor. He said to me magic words. Words that I never heard from anyone else ever since. But they are logical. First he said not to go back to the therapist. Paint and talk to him. He then said that I shouldn't have goals. Too many goals and you can't see the opportunities in front of you. Epiphany.
I looked at what my goals were. And they were these: to get to university and to be like Mary Tyler Moore. Well, obviously I was at university and let's face it, even though it's cute and very midwest child of the 70's/80's, Mary Tyler Moore as a role model isn't going to get you far.
So I started to look around me. One night I saw a man across a crowded room. I turned to my friend and said, 'That is the man I'm going to marry.' I knew it was true. And it was.
With him I gained love, security, adventure, children and family, friends and friendship. All of which I'm convinced I wouldn't have had without him.
I'm going into 41 feeling solid, secure and loved.